If Noah were here, would he order a double?

A Dark ‘n Stormy features dark rum and ginger beer. Photo by Stuart Villanueva

Anyone who knows a Bible story or two certainly knows the one about Noah, the big boat builder who loaded it with two of each of the Earth’s animals.

That two-by-two thing has always been Noah’s fame. Less known, however, is that Noah also is the first person in the Bible to be called out for being intoxicated. When the only people left on Earth are you and your family, it isn’t easy keeping secrets.

The Bible notes that it was wine that did him dirty, but as one ponders deep thoughts on these winter nights, consider if he were given the options available today, what would Noah drink?

Certainly, as his neighbors watched him spend months building a gigantic boat in a place with no significant water, they wondered what he was imbibing.

Historians, studying a pattern in his passenger list, can speculate he walked up to the bar and ordered a double.

Still, 40 days and 40 nights with same old drink would have made Noah a dull boy. Just what kind of drink would float Noah’s boat after a long day on the ark?

Let’s guess that this captain of the zoo wanted something special come 5 p.m.

Yes, here’s guessing the signature drinks on the ark’s cocktail menu were all two ingredients, and a splash of water wouldn’t have been one of them.

In these modern times, when cocktails are made to shine with a shot of this, a few drops of that, a squeeze of these and equal ounces of all those, it’s easy to forget there are some very good and classic drinks that need only two ingredients before adding ice.

One look at Noah’s circumstances, the most ark-appropriate drink has to be the classic Dark ’n Stormy. A product of Prohibition, the cocktail calls for just two ingredients: dark rum and ginger beer.

And what sailor doesn’t love grog? Surely Noah would have enjoyed a stout, warming mug.

Homer Garcia, manager at Yaga’s Café, 2314 Strand in Galveston’s downtown, was thinking just that.

“I especially like modern grog, which is hot apple cider and rum,” Garcia said. “It’s called modern grog, because original grog was just rum and water and served on ships in the Royal Navy.”

Noah had all the water he needed without drinking it, too.

Garcia also had another suggestion.

“Well, since the winter season is here, my favorite, hands down, this time of year is Maker’s Mark and Amaretto.”

What would have inspired the reluctant captain after a day below decks with all the creatures?

Perhaps a few creature drinks?

A Screwdriver Mule could do it. It’s a cocktail made with 2 ounces of Smirnoff Ice Screwdriver topped with ginger beer. And there’s that Brave Bull on C Deck. At the bar, it’s 1 ounce of Tequila mixed with 1 ounce of Kahlúa. The Greyhounds are perfect mixtures of vodka and grapefruit juice. And while the real thing was probably more a stowaway than registered guest, the Black Widow cocktail is a more welcoming 2 ounces of Myers’s Rum with 1 ounce of white crème de menthe.

“I’m going to have to think about what would be a great cocktail if it can only have two ingredients,” said Galveston-area mixologist Nicholas Stephenson, a man often on the cutting edge of creative cocktails with enticing ingredients.

A day later, Stephenson was back.

“I thought of a really good, simple drink I made a long time ago but haven’t had in a while,” he said. “It had bourbon, which doesn’t have to be anything fancy, and Bärenjäger Honey Liqueur. I used 2 ounces of bourbon and 1⁄2 ounce of the Bärenjäger with a Scotch rock so it gets cold and not watered down. If you are a bourbon fan like me, I would recommend this drink.”

Gina Hasty, beverage supervisor at Hilton Galveston Island Resort, didn’t hesitate.

“One of my favorite go-to cocktails is Champagne mixed with
St-Germain Elderflower Liqueur,” Hasty said. “It’s simple, yet perfect. And who doesn’t love Champagne?”

Brad Stringer, mixologist and partner in Galveston’s craft cocktail bar DTO, 2701 Market St. downtown, suggests that when life hands you an apocalyptic flood, find lemonade. Actually, he suggests 2 ounces of Hendrick’s Gin and 5 ounces of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.

The ark bar list has many other options. With such a variety of two-ingredient cocktails, it might be safe to assume not just what Noah would drink, but what kind of drinker he would have been. A two-fisted one.